Psidai - Center of the Universe
Jun. 4th, 2005 05:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tanithryudoTitle: The Center of the Universe
Series: Psidai AU
Fandom: Prince of Tennis / Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Rating: G
Warnings: CRACK, Discontinuity
Word Count: 1320
The Center of the Universe
“Everyone knows that the center of theuniverse galaxy universe is located in Tezuka’s shorts. The singularity located there attracts people into his orbit and objects toward his...” -- irreverent PoT fangirl*
Inui and Yanagi were the ultimate geeks among the Psidai undergraduate population. Everyone knew that. They were also avid fans of Douglas Adams who were ecstatic each in their own dorky way when the Americans made a movie based on the classic Hitchhiker’s novel. It was only later that they took the step from fanaticism to a special brand of insanity when they decided that they would build their own Heart of Gold, infinite improbability drive and all.
“That’s the last wire,” Inui told his co-conspirator as he carefully closed the small panels on the tennis ball sized model spaceship with a pair of tweezers.
“Aa. Should we try it out?” Yanagi was already hooking up his trusty laptop.
“Aa.” Inui’s glasses glinted in anticipation. “Where shall we set the coordinates to?”
“The Restaurant at the Edge of the Universe,” Yanagi announced as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“But Renji,” Inui protested in a bad imitation of Marvin the depressed robot, “how do we know which end of the universe it’s on?”
Yanagi sniffed at being thwarted by the minor details. “Well what do you suggest?”
“How about the center of the universe?” Inui immediately rattled off a series of numbers. That astrophysics classes he’d taken came in handy after all.
“Fine.” Yanagi tapped the coordinates in. But before the data-duo could actually try out their new toy, the door to their room suddenly slammed open, revealing an unamused Tezuka.
“Yamato-buchou wanted to see you two early about the training camp trip next week,” he informed them. “You’re late.”
Tezuka’s glares did things to people. That was why Inui and Yanagi suddenly found themselves in a hurry to get out the door, dropping their almost completed project where it was. Tezuka stoically followed. Unfortunately for the three of them, however, Tezuka’s entry to the data pair’s sanctum had the unintended side-effect of completely nullifying most of the room defenses... defenses which were mainly intended to keep out one thing.
A while later, the door creaked open again, revealing a pair of beady eyes that peered into the room. A second later, a giant chittering squirrel was perched on the workbench, eyeing the mini Heart of Gold evilly. It easily picked up the model, and with one last look around, scampered off with its newly stolen prize.
However, the Wonka squirrel wasn’t able to get far down the hallways when it was suddenly seized by the tail and pulled into the air. The creature scratched and bit at the grip holding it, but in vain against the human golem that was Kabaji. Finally, it stopped struggling and squeaked sulkily at Atobe, who stood next to his hulking servant, both dressed for tennis practice.
“Aa~n? What do we have here?” asked the former Hyotei diva rhetorically. The small round object in the squirrel’s grasp immediately drew his attention, even if it lacked the yellowness of an actual tennis ball. He adroitly plucked it from the squirrel’s grasp and studied it. It obviously wasn’t a tennis ball, and looked to be some kind of model. One of his fingers accidentally brushed against the activation switch on the mini Heart of Gold.
Atobe disappeared in a puff of improbability. Kabaji didn’t even blink.
Elsewhere, the clubhouse for the Psidai undergraduate tennis club was abuzz with activity as everyone but the late stragglers were in the midst of changing for morning practice. Tezuka was sitting on one of the benches, finishing up tying his tennis shoes.
The moment the bespectacled boy put his foot back down to the ground, and before he could get up, there was a loud pop somewhere above him. Everyone turned to stare as a large human-sized... thing... looking like a conglomeration of various abnormally large and pastel flowers flashed into existence and promptly dropped right into Tezuka’s lap.
For a moment, absolute silence descended on the room.
It was broken by Yukimura’s soft but amused voice. “Maa, Tezuka-kun. It seems you have an admirer.”
Fuji twitched, his usually closed eyes letting a single flicker of burning blue through. Behind the tensai, Echizen frowned. But before anyone else could say anything, a smooth androgynous voice came from the flowery object.
“Normality re-established. Improbability at 10578973542 to 1.”
The petals on the flowery figure in Tezuka’s lap peeled off as if dancing to an invisible wind, revealing a rather startled Atobe. A small round object fell out of his hand and rolled across the floor.
The tension in the silent room suddenly skyrocketed. A few people who had better than average senses of self-preservation began inching toward the door.
Atobe blinked as he took in his predicament. Then, utterly ignoring the glares and gapes being directed at his person, smirked up at Tezuka’s solemn face.
“Well, this is a surprise, Tezuka,” he drawled, his blinking turning into a batting of his eyes.
“A-TO-BE,” hissed Fuji dangerously. Everyone around the fuming boy took a collective step away from him.
“Figures,” Shishido muttered.
“How tasteless,” agreed Oshitari.
The two stars of the scene, however, seemed not to notice the commotion around them.
“Atobe,” Tezuka asked sternly, “what did you do?” His look implicitly told the other boy to get off of him before someone was killed by a murderous tensai.
Atobe ignored the hint, of course, showing every sign of enjoying his stay in the other’s lap. “Much as ore-sama would love to take credit for this,” he replied, choosing to answer the question instead, “I believe it was that round device over there that caused this to happen.”
Now everyone stared at the innocuous-looking model on the ground. Two people among the crowd, however, immediately recognized it.
“Renji,” Inui murmured, “it works.”
“Aa,” Yanagi murmured back. “The center of the universe...”
They looked at each other. “Ii data.”
“What is it?” came another low and threatening voice behind them. The data pair whirled around to see that Fuji staring at them with wide-open eyes, having somehow overheard their conversation.
“Eto...” Inui made a quick calculation of his life expectancy if he didn’t answer Fuji’s demand. “It’s a model vessel fitted with an infinite improbability drive that’s set to teleport directly to the center of the universe.”
He ignored Yanagi’s coughing fit that sounded vaguely like “wuss”.
“I see,” Fuji said with a frozen smile. “Excuse me.”
He glided forward to where Oshitari, having recognized the object as a miniature Heart of Gold for reasons having more to do with his own familiarity with Douglas Adams, had picked it up. Fuji snatched the small model from the other tensai in one quick move and quickly found the switch to activate it. He also disappeared in a pop of improbability.
Just at that moment, Tezuka chose to abruptly stand up, dumping Atobe unceremoniously from his lap. Fortunately for him, that was the moment when a man-sized white whale suddenly appeared above him and crashed down onto the bench he’d been sitting on just a moment ago, promptly breaking it upon impact.
“Look! Hakugei!” someone called out.
“Normality re-established. Improbability at 196857918872 to 1.”
The whale blurred into a bruised and semi-conscious Fuji.
“Fuji is a whale?” Eiji pondered out loud, before his doubles partner immediately shushed him.
“Was that really necessary, Tezuka?” Atobe asked at the same time, rising to his feet and dusting himself off. Everyone knew he wasn’t referring to Fuji.
Tezuka didn’t reply. He merely stooped down to pry the miniature Heart of Gold from Fuji’s still-twitching hands. Then he turned and walked up to where Inui and Yanagi stood, thrusting the model at them.
“Change the coordinates,” he commanded, his glare promising 100 laps each if there was any more repeats of the day’s occurrences.
Then, without waiting for a reply, he whirled and walked out of the clubhouse. Atobe followed, complaining all the way.
The moment the door closed behind them, rumors began to fly.
- owari -
Footnote: I am fully aware of the fact that there is no singularity in the center of the universe. If a center exists at all, it would be an abstract locatable only via higher dimensional perspectives. At any rate, matter in an expanding universe is going away from the center anyways, not towards it. However, this is the Psidai universe, where all "real life" physics have been tossed out in favor of CRACK. Therefore, I am ignoring everything I know about physics and cosmology in this writing.
Disclaimer: Konomi owns Prince of Tennis. Douglas Adams owns Hitchhiker’s. Roald Dahl owns the Wonka squirrel, I suppose. I own nothing except maybe Psidai.
AN: Um, the squirrel thing will be explained eventually when we write the Willy Wonka xover... yeah... eventually. :p
Timeline: University. I’m tempted to say it’s in the fourth year so that the characters would be the same age as me and![[insanejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/ij-userinfo.gif)
cashew, thereby absolving us of all guilt in drooling over these supposedly “younger” boys. ^_^;;
Series: Psidai AU
Fandom: Prince of Tennis / Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Rating: G
Warnings: CRACK, Discontinuity
Word Count: 1320
“Everyone knows that the center of the
Inui and Yanagi were the ultimate geeks among the Psidai undergraduate population. Everyone knew that. They were also avid fans of Douglas Adams who were ecstatic each in their own dorky way when the Americans made a movie based on the classic Hitchhiker’s novel. It was only later that they took the step from fanaticism to a special brand of insanity when they decided that they would build their own Heart of Gold, infinite improbability drive and all.
“That’s the last wire,” Inui told his co-conspirator as he carefully closed the small panels on the tennis ball sized model spaceship with a pair of tweezers.
“Aa. Should we try it out?” Yanagi was already hooking up his trusty laptop.
“Aa.” Inui’s glasses glinted in anticipation. “Where shall we set the coordinates to?”
“The Restaurant at the Edge of the Universe,” Yanagi announced as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“But Renji,” Inui protested in a bad imitation of Marvin the depressed robot, “how do we know which end of the universe it’s on?”
Yanagi sniffed at being thwarted by the minor details. “Well what do you suggest?”
“How about the center of the universe?” Inui immediately rattled off a series of numbers. That astrophysics classes he’d taken came in handy after all.
“Fine.” Yanagi tapped the coordinates in. But before the data-duo could actually try out their new toy, the door to their room suddenly slammed open, revealing an unamused Tezuka.
“Yamato-buchou wanted to see you two early about the training camp trip next week,” he informed them. “You’re late.”
Tezuka’s glares did things to people. That was why Inui and Yanagi suddenly found themselves in a hurry to get out the door, dropping their almost completed project where it was. Tezuka stoically followed. Unfortunately for the three of them, however, Tezuka’s entry to the data pair’s sanctum had the unintended side-effect of completely nullifying most of the room defenses... defenses which were mainly intended to keep out one thing.
A while later, the door creaked open again, revealing a pair of beady eyes that peered into the room. A second later, a giant chittering squirrel was perched on the workbench, eyeing the mini Heart of Gold evilly. It easily picked up the model, and with one last look around, scampered off with its newly stolen prize.
However, the Wonka squirrel wasn’t able to get far down the hallways when it was suddenly seized by the tail and pulled into the air. The creature scratched and bit at the grip holding it, but in vain against the human golem that was Kabaji. Finally, it stopped struggling and squeaked sulkily at Atobe, who stood next to his hulking servant, both dressed for tennis practice.
“Aa~n? What do we have here?” asked the former Hyotei diva rhetorically. The small round object in the squirrel’s grasp immediately drew his attention, even if it lacked the yellowness of an actual tennis ball. He adroitly plucked it from the squirrel’s grasp and studied it. It obviously wasn’t a tennis ball, and looked to be some kind of model. One of his fingers accidentally brushed against the activation switch on the mini Heart of Gold.
Atobe disappeared in a puff of improbability. Kabaji didn’t even blink.
Elsewhere, the clubhouse for the Psidai undergraduate tennis club was abuzz with activity as everyone but the late stragglers were in the midst of changing for morning practice. Tezuka was sitting on one of the benches, finishing up tying his tennis shoes.
The moment the bespectacled boy put his foot back down to the ground, and before he could get up, there was a loud pop somewhere above him. Everyone turned to stare as a large human-sized... thing... looking like a conglomeration of various abnormally large and pastel flowers flashed into existence and promptly dropped right into Tezuka’s lap.
For a moment, absolute silence descended on the room.
It was broken by Yukimura’s soft but amused voice. “Maa, Tezuka-kun. It seems you have an admirer.”
Fuji twitched, his usually closed eyes letting a single flicker of burning blue through. Behind the tensai, Echizen frowned. But before anyone else could say anything, a smooth androgynous voice came from the flowery object.
“Normality re-established. Improbability at 10578973542 to 1.”
The petals on the flowery figure in Tezuka’s lap peeled off as if dancing to an invisible wind, revealing a rather startled Atobe. A small round object fell out of his hand and rolled across the floor.
The tension in the silent room suddenly skyrocketed. A few people who had better than average senses of self-preservation began inching toward the door.
Atobe blinked as he took in his predicament. Then, utterly ignoring the glares and gapes being directed at his person, smirked up at Tezuka’s solemn face.
“Well, this is a surprise, Tezuka,” he drawled, his blinking turning into a batting of his eyes.
“A-TO-BE,” hissed Fuji dangerously. Everyone around the fuming boy took a collective step away from him.
“Figures,” Shishido muttered.
“How tasteless,” agreed Oshitari.
The two stars of the scene, however, seemed not to notice the commotion around them.
“Atobe,” Tezuka asked sternly, “what did you do?” His look implicitly told the other boy to get off of him before someone was killed by a murderous tensai.
Atobe ignored the hint, of course, showing every sign of enjoying his stay in the other’s lap. “Much as ore-sama would love to take credit for this,” he replied, choosing to answer the question instead, “I believe it was that round device over there that caused this to happen.”
Now everyone stared at the innocuous-looking model on the ground. Two people among the crowd, however, immediately recognized it.
“Renji,” Inui murmured, “it works.”
“Aa,” Yanagi murmured back. “The center of the universe...”
They looked at each other. “Ii data.”
“What is it?” came another low and threatening voice behind them. The data pair whirled around to see that Fuji staring at them with wide-open eyes, having somehow overheard their conversation.
“Eto...” Inui made a quick calculation of his life expectancy if he didn’t answer Fuji’s demand. “It’s a model vessel fitted with an infinite improbability drive that’s set to teleport directly to the center of the universe.”
He ignored Yanagi’s coughing fit that sounded vaguely like “wuss”.
“I see,” Fuji said with a frozen smile. “Excuse me.”
He glided forward to where Oshitari, having recognized the object as a miniature Heart of Gold for reasons having more to do with his own familiarity with Douglas Adams, had picked it up. Fuji snatched the small model from the other tensai in one quick move and quickly found the switch to activate it. He also disappeared in a pop of improbability.
Just at that moment, Tezuka chose to abruptly stand up, dumping Atobe unceremoniously from his lap. Fortunately for him, that was the moment when a man-sized white whale suddenly appeared above him and crashed down onto the bench he’d been sitting on just a moment ago, promptly breaking it upon impact.
“Look! Hakugei!” someone called out.
“Normality re-established. Improbability at 196857918872 to 1.”
The whale blurred into a bruised and semi-conscious Fuji.
“Fuji is a whale?” Eiji pondered out loud, before his doubles partner immediately shushed him.
“Was that really necessary, Tezuka?” Atobe asked at the same time, rising to his feet and dusting himself off. Everyone knew he wasn’t referring to Fuji.
Tezuka didn’t reply. He merely stooped down to pry the miniature Heart of Gold from Fuji’s still-twitching hands. Then he turned and walked up to where Inui and Yanagi stood, thrusting the model at them.
“Change the coordinates,” he commanded, his glare promising 100 laps each if there was any more repeats of the day’s occurrences.
Then, without waiting for a reply, he whirled and walked out of the clubhouse. Atobe followed, complaining all the way.
The moment the door closed behind them, rumors began to fly.
Footnote: I am fully aware of the fact that there is no singularity in the center of the universe. If a center exists at all, it would be an abstract locatable only via higher dimensional perspectives. At any rate, matter in an expanding universe is going away from the center anyways, not towards it. However, this is the Psidai universe, where all "real life" physics have been tossed out in favor of CRACK. Therefore, I am ignoring everything I know about physics and cosmology in this writing.
Disclaimer: Konomi owns Prince of Tennis. Douglas Adams owns Hitchhiker’s. Roald Dahl owns the Wonka squirrel, I suppose. I own nothing except maybe Psidai.
AN: Um, the squirrel thing will be explained eventually when we write the Willy Wonka xover... yeah... eventually. :p
Timeline: University. I’m tempted to say it’s in the fourth year so that the characters would be the same age as me and
cashew, thereby absolving us of all guilt in drooling over these supposedly “younger” boys. ^_^;;
(no subject)
Date: 2022-04-20 03:57 am (UTC)Tag.
I went on a binge on old tenipuri fic and realized I couldn't find this one in your tags.
Thank god you linked it in your Psidai Index.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-04-20 02:16 pm (UTC)